A number of wedding articles out recently discuss budgets shifting for weddings; Washington Post just published The Big Day Gets Smaller. Articles like this raise a few questions for me, I’d like to get your thoughts on this too.
The wedding industry is notorious for many things - being expensive is one of them. While much of the ridiculousness of weddings can be placed on vendors and other businesses in the wedding industry, it still comes down to each couple to make the decision to work with them, and to purchase from them. Each couple cannot control (at least not directly) how much things cost - but they can choose who they work with and what they will incorporate into their wedding.
Wedding magazines, The Knot, friends and family: all factor into how couples envision their wedding. I don’t remember having an entirely clear vision for what our day would look like, but seeing what others were doing definitely sculpted what I thought it would (should?) look like. Reflecting on my wedding, there are a number of things that I didn’t totally think through, because I chose them with the mindset of “this is what is you do for a wedding”. Like my guestbook - what on earth? Few people noticed it. I have no idea where it is. It was more useful as part of my thesis installation than it was at my wedding!
Other articles like “Do I Really Need That? The Stationery Edition” break down a number of costs couples often encounter and whether or not they are necessary. It follows some “Miss Manners” guidelines and also gives permission to rethink some modern/standard traditions (like save the dates).
I think it just comes down to being deliberate and responsible. So long as you’re deliberately thinking through each of the choices for your wedding (white - why or why not? envelope liners - why or why not? honeymoon now - why or why not?), you will likely find yourself satisfied with how your wedding day will turn out. If you are adding things because that’s what most people do, or that’s what your friends have done, or that’s what your mother wants, or that’s how you’ve always dreamed it, be sure that you and your partner both are on the same page and you have made a united and conscious decision about it. This counts for the big things (reception venue and outfits) as much as it does for small things (pretty much anything with the word “wedding” or “personalized” in the title - wedding napkins, ribbons for your favors, petal basket for your flower girl).
Making deliberate choices and being responsible for them WILL be less expensive. There is nothing wrong with wanting flip flops that say “JUST MARRIED” in the sand as you walk on the beach on your honeymoon, if that really is what you want (I did!). There are, however, opportunities for you and your partner to make solid decisions about your wedding day, and those decisions are allowed to be separate from “what a wedding looks like”. :)
This is one of the coolest things I’ve seen in a while: