Inclusive Language in Client Documentation

Molly Bennett of MollyBennet.com has written an eye-opening article about the use of inclusive language in client documentation. As a businesswoman who has “alternative”, “nontraditional” and sometimes “offbeat” clients, I was very interested in what Molly was saying about the language she uses in her contract and photography shotlist. Molly works with a lot of same-sex couples and realized she needed to review the language she was using. In her blog post, she asks the following questions:

• If there’s no “bride” or “groom”, then do we still have “bridesmaids” or “groomsmen”?
• If a couple has two brides, and their attendants are a mix of men and women, what do we call them?
• If the couple is two women, are both “brides”? Are two men both “grooms”?
• Who gets their photo taken with the flowergirl? What about the ringbearer?
• If I want to use the same documents for ALL of my couples, how do I use language that isn’t gender-specific without either becoming confusing or alienating the heterosexual couples that I work with?

I instantly reviewed my own wedding photography documentation (contract and shot list, particularly) to see what kind of language I’ve been using. This is the list of formal photos I offer as a starting point to clients:

• Bride alone (full length)
• Bride with Maid of Honor
• Bride with bridesmaids
• Groom with bridesmaids
• Bride with parents
• Bride & Groom together
• Bride & Groom with parents
• Bride & Groom with families
• Bride & Groom with entire wedding party
• Bride & Groom with flower girl and ringbearer
• Groom with parents
• Groom with best man
• Groom with groomsmen
• Bride with groomsmen

And then include a space to list others (we then discuss this further). In the past, when working with same-sex clients, I have changed the “bride” and “groom” language to the couple’s actual names. But why not change my language to be more inclusive?

Molly Bennett’s Examples

In Molly’s Formal Photos Document, she has created checklists for the individual filling out the form. In this way, Molly can say “You with your mother” instead of “Bride and bride’s mother”. Similarly, she can say “Partner with mother”. Check out the below screenshot.

Molly’s contract also uses inclusive language. “I no longer have spaces for the ‘bride’ to write her name and the ‘groom’ to write his name,” says Molly in her post. “Instead, there’s spaces for the couple to write their names, give me their phone numbers, and tell me to whom the numbers belong.”

By allowing the couple to define themselves in whatever terms they feel comfortable, you can get the best way to approach using wedding-y language. I had one same-sex couple who called their union a “wedding”, although they were entering a domestic partnership. It was important to them to call it a wedding because of all that’s associated with weddings - the union, the celebration, and many of the typical wedding traditions. Opening the door to clients so that they can use whatever language they feel comfortable using will create a much more relaxed client relationship, and may open your eyes to new ways of viewing the same old wedding stuff.

Talking with Molly

I had the opportunity to interview Molly and ask her about the changes she made and how she views inclusiveness.

Q. Have you had any client responses to the language that you’d like to share?
A. The change is pretty new, so it’s hard to say! I’ll let you know as I move forward. My goal was to make language changes that were pretty simple and obvious, so that it would be pretty invisible to all of my clients, regardless of gender or orientation. The whole point for me was that I didn’t want that language in my documents to be what my clients were thinking about.

Q. Why do you think language is so important in client documentation and client relationships?
A. If you look at the huge debates going on in the US right now about gay marriage, some of it boils down to language. People argue that marriage is defined as “one man and one woman,” and that’s an argument about words… Words make a big difference in how we perceive other people and how we perceive ourselves. It’s not enough to say, “oh, by the way, ignore that part about the ‘groom’ on this paperwork, and just write your name in there.”… Aside from that, I think that as a professional it’s my responsibility to make my clients comfortable and help them feel great on this really important life event. I don’t want anything that I do or say to get in the way of their enjoyment of their engagement or planning, and I don’t want the language I use to alienate anyone.

Q. What are some other ways to be inclusive when working with clients?
A. I think the big thing is to try not to make assumptions about someone’s “role” in the wedding. A lesbian couple with a femme and a butch may both refer to themselves as brides, but yet might recoil at the idea of a “two brides” cake topper; two men may refer to themselves as grooms, but will get decked out in Vegas-style drag during the reception. (This actually happened at a wedding I photographed a few years ago.) Heck, even my heterosexual couples sometimes prefer to be called “partners” instead of “husband” or “wife.” I think the most important thing is to listen closely to your clients, respond accordingly, and be flexible! And remember, weddings are stressful enough without those of us who are professionals adding to it. :)

My two cents

Inclusive language is the first step towards refreshing client relationships. Remember, too, that inclusiveness is not just about gender and sexual orientation - one can express inclusiveness towards age, race, ability, and much more. Allowing your client to express who she or he is will open up a lot of potential for how you work with them and what opportunities lie ahead for you.