It’s your wedding. Be yourself.

It’s been one year, three months, and 10 days.

That’s how long I have been able to lay claim to the title Mother of the Bride. M.O.B., as it were. As I write this, my daughter’s wedding is three and a half days away, and we are actively crossing off the final items on our many dogged-eared lists. (And as much fun as it all has truly been, I am mostly glad that I finally found a M.O.B. dress that did not make me look like a woman twice my age nor like a member of the cast of “Chicago.”)

I have been fortunate that my daughter and her intended have been careful about making choices that speak of their values and have truly been attentive to the importance of making their wedding day a reflection of who they are. How is that accomplished?

It is accomplished by considering the reason for each of the wedding details. For instance, my daughter’s bridal party does not just include women; standing beside her that morning there will be both male and female attendants. Why? Because the purpose of an attendant is not to fulfill some gender balance in photos, but rather to be surrounded by people my daughter loves and wants close to her on this special day.

Along a similar vein, my daughter has chosen not to wear a veil, knowing that, regardless of tradition, her personality and style are more simple and free-flowing than a veil would allow, and she wants to be comfortable with herself on her wedding day.

A wedding is an opportunity to celebrate love and promise; it is, as also a wonderful occasion for reflecting on our collective journey to this point. I look at my daughter and I see how “at home” she is with her fiancé. I rejoice at how love has given her new wisdom about community and new gratitude for the other relationships in her life. And, of course, I weep with wonder each time I see her getting fitted in her wedding dress, for she is radiant.

So I am glad that her special day will be an extension of who she is. For she is beautiful, through and through.

If you want your day to reflect who you really are, you may want to ask yourself the following questions.

1. Before writing your guest list, with your partner create a list of criteria regarding who will be invited. (For example, length of time since you last spoke with them, whether your partner has met them, and how you will deal with the reactions of others as your guest choices become known…)
2. What ceremony traditions do you find are important to you (and why)? (For example, the unity candle, bridal attendants, throwing rice, a religious setting…)
3. What reception traditions do you find reflect who you are? (For example, cake cutting, garter toss, first dance…)
4. Are any of the things you are choosing to incorporate important to your parents, but not to you?
5. What will your details and choices say about who you are as a couple?